


The storm

by Whoops_heck



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, IceCream, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 17:36:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10995684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whoops_heck/pseuds/Whoops_heck
Summary: Tsukishima Kei has never been a fan of storms.Both literal and metaphorical.A hurricane has left him a blow out flame. Smoke flitting through the air like Styrofoam.Tsukishima Kei can't breath





	The storm

**Author's Note:**

> So like... Why the heck can i only write angst? Anywho, enjoy!

Hugs for a wounded soul

 

The soul of a person is precious. A tiny little nothing, that without a voice or a way of expression, will die out. Merely an inexplicably tiny flame, the wind can extinguish it without a moments hesitation. And it won't apologise.

It will go on with it's day and never once think back to the little spark it's force tore down. It will make small talk and laugh as if nothing had happened.

The wind is rutheless, hiding behind a facade of a gracious host. The breeze will wrap itself around you, warm and inviting, it swallows you whole. 

Churning and picking up speed you find yourself sucked into the wind's deadly force. The gales have stolen your voice. There's nothing you can do but wait out the storm.

But little flames weren't made for storms.

And I wasn't meant for you.

I burned up the wax of my past relationships with vigour. Thriving and flaring brilliantly. Casting light into the hollow darkness that seemed to be filling my lungs. I expelled it with small smiles and hugs. It was new. I was new.

Born again against the wind of my past.

You pushed me down.

Crumpled me under your shoe like an old cigarette. But I was lonely, so I clung to the attention.

I set your eyes ablaze and for a while we sat by the warmth.

But the rain came. It came in whipping my skin. It came with the full force of a typhoon. Throwing me around like nothing. Like absolutely nothing.

I felt smaller than I ever had before. I tried so hard to think about anything other then the fact that if I were to die, no one would miss me.

I don't offer this exhibit for the truth of the matter but just to show that, yes I was lonely and no I could not make it on my own.

I convinced myself of that.

You convinced me of that.

You told me that I'd never make it out there. The winds were rougher, the seas choppy, and the people rutheless.

I believed you.

I let the breeze turn into a hurricane without so much as a nod of my head in recognition.

You blew me out.

You poured rain onto my flame and the darkness caved in once again.

I was a flame.

You were a storm.

I didn't stand a chance.

\-----

A hand brushed my shoulder and I held my breath. There were times like these often, a very common occurrence for me. My lungs held the breeze and my eyes the stars. You all would tell me that over and over again, hoping one day I'd believe you. I never did.

It had been a bad day. Waking up to physical contact sent me into a sprawl of panic and labored breathing. All three of you were out cold. I shuddered from the feeling of skin on skin and tried to forget how awful that once felt. How awful it still feels. How he ruined that experience for me.

Today had been a bad day, and I knew that from the moment I woke up.

Bokuto, surpisingly the lightest sleeper out of the bunch, stirred where he lay and I held my breath once more.

It was moments like these when I remember just how nice it is to have the breeze in your lungs and the stars in your eyes. How nice it is to be caressed by gentle hands and specks of paint. How nice the feeling of the sun is on my skin or the sound of still water feels ringing through my ears. 

"Kei?"

I exhale and release the hold I had on my thigh. Red marks taking the place. Untangling himself from Tetsu, Kou smooths the angry skin over with his hand and I can't help but smile a little.

How nice it feels to have someone care for you.

"I'm sorry."

Gold flicked up to me and I knew that if I held the stars in my eyes then his held the sun. They glowed with worry.

"It's alright sweety. Don't ever apologize. I've got you."

Tears welled in my eyes and I sucked in a deep breath, catching the wind in my lungs for as long as I could. With the power to blow out a flame I exhaled slowly. 

The storm had passed.

\-----

It had been a good day.

A really good day.

Better than I'd had in a while. It was Keiji's birthday so we all went out for icecream. 

Dots lined the walls in pinks and blues and purples. Old diner stools and booths lines the interior. A waitress served us scoops upon scoops piled high in waffle cones. We enjoyed one another's company completely.

Sunlight poured in from the windows. The place was alive. Buzzing with activity and laughter.

I smiled.

It had been a good day.

But I could feel it turning.

Churning in my gut was the feeling that something was going to go wrong.

Bubbling in my throat was the feeling of panic. 

I excused myself to use the bathroom.

It had been a good day.

Now it most definitely was not.

As calmy as I could I cupped my hands around a flickering flame. Protecting it from the winds trying to blow it down.

"Excuse me", I said passing a woman and her child. They smiled at me.

I was convincing enough.

As soon as I reached the comfort of a bathroom stall, my hands rooted themeslves in my hair and I pulled. Hard and fast I pulled until I couldn't feel my feet touching the floor.

I was slipping into a panic attack in the bathroom of an icecream shop.

I scratched my thighs desperate to feel something, anything to pull me away from where my mind was headed. Tears streamed down my face and all I could do was squeeze my eyes shut and hope it worked.

Gentle hands grabbed my wrists and I crumpled in on myself.

"Kei, you're going to be alright. I'm right here. He's not going to hurt you ok? You're alright. Everything's alright."

Though mumbled and stuttered out through shivering lips I managed an apology. It was crude. An awful excuse for ruining a birthday celebration.

I had messed it all up.

"Did you take your meds this morning?"

His grip tightened ever so slightly as I shook my head.

I flinched. 

He let go.

"Let's head home ok. Everything's gonna be alright."

\----

"He hasn't been taking his medicine."

"No shit sherlock, the bottles still fucking half full."

"Should we schedule another appointment with Dr. Harako?"

A bit of silence filled the room and I thought they had moved locations. I stayed with my ear pressed to the door.

"I think so."

\-----

A pool of melted wax was clawing at my throat. My mouth just barely staying above the scorching liquid. I stand on my tip toes desperate for the little air I can get. My past is drowning me and there is nothing I can do about it.

But I am not my past. I am not my accomplishments. I am not my friends. I am not my family. I am not anything.

I am just myself for the moment and that's quite alright.

Because I'm also a little bit of Keiji and a little bit of Tetsu, with a dash of Kou mixed in. I am my soul. I am a flame.

You keep my alive.

The three of you tend my flame and brighten my day.

He let me burn out and you make sure that never happens again.

For that I am unimaginably thankful.

I am a flurry of silent sparks, you set my heart on fire. My clothes burn up, my skin melts away, muscles deteriorate, ligaments destroyed and tendons evaporated. I'm left with bones that turn to dust. 

I have only my soul to accompany me.

My flame burns bright, And I'm glad to have survived the storm.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Comment if you want


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